Mati.

Anak kecil putih bernama ibook itu sudah mati.

‘Brain death’ kata si doktor.

I am sad. Aku sedih dgn pemergiannya.

Banyak yg dilalui bersama.

Beribu ribu kilometer sudah sama sama dijelajahi. Beratus ratus peristiwa telah dikongsi bersama.

Goodbye my little ibook. It’s been a great 5 years.

I’ll be missing you.

This weekend is a fun n relaxing one.

Again i went for Durian Madness Eat All You Can for Free. It was a fantastic.

Then it was quite relaxing, the one that i need for quite some time.

I am accepting it little by little.
(to khalifahAlamMaya, i’ll story to you about it later when we meet)

I can’t wait for my cute laptop to be discharged from the mac clinic, then i’ll be posting more serious stuff rather than emotional expression!..

If that thing becomes ‘certain’

I would definitely lose everything that i have worked for since the last 6 years

More importantly,
Will i lose my relationship of 8 years?

but The Most Important,
Will i lose myself of 25 years?

I’m begging to Allah for ‘No’ for the last question.

(i’m still thinking of what happen next. It’s a vicious cycle. STOP thinking please!! Get out of my head!)

I thought i am strong,

I am supposed to be better than this,

I thought i have a very high confidence level,

I thought i would not be affected by that ‘uncertain’ thing, since it is in itself is ‘uncertain’,

but, clearly, i am a Normal human being,

and this is what keep repeating in my head:

What if that ‘uncertain’ thing become ‘certain’?

I can’t bear to think even for 2 seconds what is going to happen if it’s ‘certain’.

If you know me/close to me, I am really really bad at NOT thinking of what happens next.

Oh Allah, help me.

O’ friends, help me.

Why me?

Lagi 11 hari si dia yang kecil itu akan menyambut hari ulang-tahun ke 5.

Ah, anak kecil itu sering keriangan seakan tidak pernah ada kerisauan padanya.

Mungkin, hanya mungkin, masanya begitu emas.

Seakan nazak, kini tidak keriangan.

Tidak ada ceria.

Ayuh, lawanlah dugaan itu agar kita boleh keriangan semula.

Agar kita boleh teruskan kehadapan bersama.

Aku hanya mampu berdoa.

Catatan kepada laptopku menjelang ulang-tahunnya yang ke 5.