The Continuous Assessment
1) The End of The EXAM
Today was phenomenal, the end of the almost-one-month final 4th year examination. It was a MCQ (Multiple Choices Questions). There were 180 Questions comprises of 5 Choices for each question. It would make up to 900 Statements to read, in exactly 3 hours time.
It wasn’t what all of us expected. 2 days ago, we were thinking, MEQ (essay) was hard, so maybe the MCQ would be easier, as supposed to be our institution’s pattern of examination. But Dr. Adinegara is a serious person. He is full of jokes during classes but when it comes to the exam, no one can be more serious than him. It turns out to be harder for the MCQ as compared to MEQ which was also hard.
Before the MCQ exam, me and my friends calculated that it would be sufficient for us to have 70 questions correct, and 110 wrong for us to pass. My senior friend even said, how can you get 110 wrong? It’s near impossible. But as today turns out, after finishing the exam, i agreed with many of my friends thought, that it is VERY MUCH POSSIBLE to have 110 wrong, even more also.
The announcement by Dr. Adinegara near the end of the 3 hours examination is unexpected. The result would be out tomorrow, not in the evening as everyone expected it to be. The longer the wait, the pain the soul gets. It seems like everyone was having the same feeling, judging by the expressions outside the exam hall.
I was too, felt it was painful at first to wait for so long. I tried to find comfort by relaxing at my bedroom afterwards. Praying to Allah, only from Him can we have comfort in times of pain. Now, at the end of the whole final examination, i realize something, during the yasin recitation after maghrib in nearby musolla that, this examination is nothing compared to Allah’s Continuous Assessment.
2) The Change
My story was, the change that i want to start to my spiritual aspect of my life. Since the start of the Calendar 2009 year, a lot of things happen to me, a lot of good, unfortunate, weird things happened to me, which some of it i wrote here, and most of it i didn’t. I was having emotional breakdown, up till the point when my faith was very weak.
I went through a lot of thinking, a lot of internal battle, a lot of challenging issues within my own self. When i thought i’m about to lose big time,it was when the exam is just around the corner. At that time also, i felt some divine intervention came and spark up light for me to search for answers, to search for the purpose of my existence in this world.
As for my past sins, i was full of it, on the surface, people find me a very good, socially well person, but spiritually, honestly i’m one of the weakest around. I make a lot of mistakes, a lot of big sins, and the one that i even used to it is not adhering to 5 times prayer. In 2008, i can count by my fingers of my Subuh prayer. To that extent i was very bad in the past, that is not counting other prayer as well, that even if i pray, most of it just for the sake of doing it. I’m writing this down as i believe, admitting your mistakes is the first step to recovery.
During the past 1-2 months, i embarked on a journey to fix myself, my mind was more focus on my spiritual life more than my academic life, but i did maintain my academic life as usual, studying and else.
Now, i’m happy that i am able to achieve what i want, that is rectifying myself and becoming better in years to come, as i realize, this world only being the time given for us to do and excel in Allah’s Continuous Assessment.
3) The Continuous Assessment
In my college, there is a lot of examination and assessment, one of it is Continuous Assessment, whereby a lot of mid-semester small examination conducted, during the posting, it will include your attitude, your participation, many aspects are taken into account, that carries something right into the final examination. But after all, in the end, what matters, and the most important thing is that final part, the final examination itself.
As contrary, Examination conducted by Allah SWT, is a long Continuous Assessment which as long as our life itself. This examination is the single most important examination for us, no matter what we do, and whoever we are, is the one examination that is vital, the only one that we supposed to excel in. There is no final exam as such waiting for us at the end just before we die. There is no procrastination possible, no postponing we can be able to do, as we don’t even know when it’s going to end (aka we don’t know when we are going to die).
We have to excel in this continuous assessment, as all daily must-do requirement must be met, additional stuff is good, and avoid all that is completely prohibited, try to stay away with things that is very very vague in nature.
As we don’t have final examination, we cannot sit back and relax, as the Continuous Assessment is what matters, is the one that is really counted for, and since we also don’t know when it going to end, we have to try our best to be excellent in every single day of our live in this Continuous Assessment.
We have to think that, if we manage what we are required to and what we supposed to avoid, in our daily lives, everyday we should take comfort that, everything is taken into account, and each day that we felt that we did good, we should be happy, and most importantly, to say “Alhamdulillah, today was good, Thank You Allah!”
I remember what i learned back in secondary school, that is we can and we should enjoy this world, but not to the extent that by enjoying the world we are failing in our Allah’s Continuous Assessment.
For the earth and the world Allah created to be very beautiful, wonderful, and full of promises, but that is actually only to show to us, that this world is only a tiny fraction of what awaits us in the afterlife if we pass the Allah’s Continuous Assessment, what is better, if we are able to get Allah’s Redha and get distinction and be very excellent in the Continuous Assessment.
4) The Wait
As of now, 10.18pm, i’m waiting like all my friend is doing now, waiting for the result to be announced. It should be out by lunch time tomorrow.
When i reflect back, I was very very content and very happy and thanked a lot to Allah that i am able to change myself to become a little bit better and fulfill my daily Allah’s Continuous Assessment .
When i think of that, i find comfort in thinking that, whatever happen, whatever the result is, there will be hikmah, there will be a lot of lesson learned, a lot of things that i should and shouldn’t do in my life.
Everyone has their own stories leading down to the exam, right to the end of it. Each one is unique, and this is my story.
Pass or Fail, It is only the ‘Dunia’, where i can/have the chance to, do it all over again if i want to. So, I am embracing myself, and i am prepared to face whatever the result might be.
Thank you Allah!